It occurred to me how I might better serve myself when feelings from the past show up. You know...those pesky triggers or events or something so small as a smell that appears out of nowhere causing you to take a "yesterday" stroll. It's amazing how much the body and the mind clings to. How are we ever to love ourselves completely, freely and holistically even when we hold onto minutiae?
I still think about comments that were said to me from a million years ago and it wasn't even anything life-altering...or so I thought? How much more would our bodies not betray us if we choose the mere act of DECIDING to let shit go? How much more head space would we free up to invite more relaxation in? How much more REST would we experience? The deep soulful rest that bathes us in total surrender from the bowels of the earth. I wonder. I constantly search for the tiny key that will unlock the tiny door to the cage of thoughts that keep me in my tiny cell of the mind. Sometimes in a fleeting moment, I'm flying...then the iron doors clang shut.
3 Comments
Alyce Barry
3/21/2019 11:02:12 pm
I wonder if those naggings from the past are hurts, and until the hurt is healed they can’t leave. Sometimes for me releasing the emotion associated with them is enough but not always. I used to believe that hurts happened because I needed them to grow, that I’m “meant” to get hurt so growth can happen, but now I’m not sure, right now it makes more sense that life just contains hurts
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Alyce Barry
3/24/2019 11:33:05 am
I’ve been thinking more about this. I lived in Florida for about 16 months in my early 20s, and several of my memories from that time became strongly associated with a smell or a song, and I don’t often encounter those smells/songs any more (by choice) so I don’t know how much power they’d have today. Those were happy months at first, having fallen in love & gotten engaged & then married very quickly, too quickly as it turned out, then they were unhappy and finally traumatic before I escaped to the Philly area. One smell that held a strong association was of hot dogs, fried (in bacon grease?), he loved them, and now I think, yuck. Even if I had a hot dog I sure wouldn’t fry it. Another was the voice of Kris Kristofferson, whose songs I suspect I still can’t listen to, and John Denver, who I can (but rarely want to any more, except for “Country Roads”).
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Karen JonesAlways attempting to take responsibility for how I truly feel about stuff and making peace with it all. Archives
March 2021
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