So January is over. I spent most of it on my tailbone. So much so that it is incredibly painful whenever I sit...like right now while typing this. I haven't moved any of the stale energy that has been embedded in my body for a while. I sit and meditate, I sit and pray, I sit and chant, I sit and cry, I sit, I sit, I sit because.....I have been afraid to do anything else. Most would say it was the weather...it wasn't. It is an enormous shift that is happening right now in my life. I have been out of work for a while. So much so that the darkness has been my "right-on-time" everything. No clients, no sales, just me, junk food and my tailbone pressed firmly and incredibly hard onto my cheap ass faux leather peeling love seat. But it's good. It always is. Even contemplating filing bankruptcy. It's good. It's good because I really got tired of attracting low level clients. It's good because I can be honest about what I truly want. It's good because I must believe that the life I want...wants me.
Today, Monday, February 18, 2019, I went for a morning stroll to give my tailbone a break. To start feeling the ground again and to find peace with movement and courage. The courage to start this blog. The courage to do something each day for my business. The courage to create something better for myself. The courage to forgive myself for the lingering darkness.
3/5/2019 03:41:40 pm
So beautiful. The last paragraph could be a poem. In fact much of this could be a poem, I think you write with a poet's cadence. I'd like your clients to be eager to pay you what your work is worth without your even having to ask. But then I guess clients are clients. This winter's weather has been really hard on me, I'm so tired of ice I could scream.
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Always attempting to take responsibility for how I truly feel about stuff and making peace with it all.